Sink or Swim

Gasping for breath I broke out of hidden depths to immediately note no one would be coming to my rescue. No one could reach me here. With my arms and legs instinctually treading water I turned circles in search of something to swim toward but found nothing. No land, no boats, no mirages, nothing to move toward. I saw no hope, nothing sure, nothing promising. Just distance. Just exhaustion… Just perfect.

Luckily, I am the type of person who manages to sail through life. Don’t get me wrong it’s been work, it’s been rough, and it’s definitely proven frustrating, though no matter the situation I always remain optimistic that a gentle breeze will greet me after each challenging gust.

My optimism weaned when life started to suck for me around this time last year. Dark clouds began to form but I thought nothing of them. “Surely the wind will blow them away.” Rain started to fall in sheets but I only shrugged. “You can’t hardly expect to stay dry on a boat.” Waves hammered down on me with an unforgiving force and I clung fast to the wheel. “The water should calm down soon enough.” Lightning struck the boat and the sound of cracking wood was lost in a mighty clap of thunder.

“…Well, shit.”

I braced myself as every blatant detail alluding to exceptionally bad weather worked together to toss me from my boat. Perhaps I should have paid more attention to the signs and, I don’t know, maybe I shouldn’t have ignored the challenges that stemmed from said signs.

Scratch that. I absolutely should have looked out for myself better, but there was an odd thrill I gained from throwing caution to the wind.

Let’s just say I wasn’t prepared for the storm that hit.

For a long defeated moment I didn’t move. I was in shock, frankly. The jetsam sunk all around me as I slowly drifted deeper and deeper beneath the surface. Things turned quiet and my surroundings grew dark. Be it disorientation or buoyancy, I felt utterly still in the cold water. After a while it was hard to ignore the uncomfortable thought of solitude and various types of discoveries that lay just beneath my back. The water was eerie and intimidating as I considered it’s vastness, however, I noted there was no storm tossing me about and I realized in my antigravity stillness that I had a choice: sink or swim.

Weak from the storm and heavy thoughts I slowly let out some air. The bubbles excitedly danced up my face after finally escaping my lungs and my body began its descent. “This is okay,” I thought to myself, “being submerged like this has always been a sensation I’ve enjoyed. I could easily sink all the way down and gently fall into the caress of the sandy bottom, but–”

The word “but” gave me pause. But what? What was I arguing? My brain froze in panic. Soon after, several beams of light appeared throughout the water. Looking up toward the surface I saw it was bright and glimmering.

This time I made sure to acknowledge the signs – both good and bad – and started to swim upward with confidence.

Gasping for breath I broke out of hidden depths to immediately note no one would be coming to my rescue. No one could reach me here. With my arms and legs instinctually treading water I turned circles in search of something to swim toward but found nothing. No land, no boats, no mirages, nothing to move toward. I saw no hope, nothing sure, nothing promising. Just distance. Just exhaustion… Just perfect.

Smiling, I continued to swim.

Whimsical Welcome

Hello and welcome to my innermost thoughts! I hope you’re comfortably seated as this blog will inevitably make some unexpected twists and turns. I meander through both my mind and my life in hopes of eventually connecting the two and making some sense of things… And yes, I realize this isn’t the best method but I’m working on it in my own way and at my own pace. (Mom…)

My goals for Whimsical9Wendy are to make you laugh, think, and connect…

We’ll see how that works out.